Saturday, August 6, 2011

Who is this person?

Looking for a mate- Part Two:
(See earlier post for part one)

*Conduct- How do they act?*

Point One:
Are you looking for someone to date and potentially marry? The Bible says that people with the love of Christ stand out like shining stars. Where are you looking for Godly people? You are more likely to find them in some places than others. Just think about it….it’s not a hard concept. Godly people strive not to live the same lives as worldly people; therefore, they won’t be found in many of the same places.

This reminds me of a sign I once saw when I was young, and ever since then I have always strived to live by this:
“Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say, don’t do anything you wouldn’t do, don’t be anywhere you wouldn’t be, if Jesus were standing here.”
Actually, that might help yall understand why I am the way I am….

Point Two:
Don’t date someone you don’t know and don’t date someone without a reputation. Dating someone you don’t know is a huge risk and the relationship is usually built because one or both people only enjoy the attention. Know the person you are considering dating. Be friends first. Ask around about them. Dating shouldn’t be casual or nonchalant. You should be dating with the purpose to find a mate. If the person is not exactly what you’re looking for, walk away. It’s not worth it to think they will change, or think you can adjust. There is someone out there that’ll meet your qualifications, if you are meant to be married.

Also, reputations are important. Don’t date anyone without a reputation. Reputations can't be built in a day, so it will reflect who they really are. If he or she doesn’t have a reputation at all, even if there’s not a bad one, it’s still bad. If they don’t have the reputation of being a “shining star” or people even noticing that they are a good person, then you can do better.

Point Three:
Be modest. Look for modesty in a partner also. Dress attractively, but not to attract.

"Likewise women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works." 
1 Timothy 2:9-10

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Your body is a temple. Your partner’s body is a temple. When looking to date someone, check his or her Facebook. Yes, I am promoting stalking. Look at their profile pictures, what are they showing off? Does every picture have skimpy clothing? Do the pictures often reflect a worldly lifestyle? These are the pictures they have chosen to reflect who they are; by looking at these pictures, you can see what is important to them.

Point Four:
Beauty is fleeting. Do not rely on looks alone, because in a few years, it’ll be gone. As much as I want to say looks aren’t important and focus on the internal beauty, I do think attraction is important in the beginning of a relationship, and I do want you to be attracted to the person you are with. But don’t find someone whose outer beauty is more attractive than his or her inner beauty.
Attractiveness is the best marketing strategy for you to marry the wrong person.  Looks won’t last, and this is not what you’ll want long term. Your friendship, faith and commitment are what will keep you together.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." 
Proverbs 31:30

Look for this in a wife: "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 
1Timothy 3:2-4

Look for this in a husband: "Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money." 
1 Timothy 3:2-3

Next up: Love, Faith and Purity…

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

For My Girls: Relationships 101

The Porch is doing a series on “Boy Meets Girl” and the whole time I was wishing you were each there with me. I am going to summarize what I learn about Godly relationships each week, and I want you to promise me you will read it.

 Why am I writing this? Because I love each of you deeply. I passionately care about your life, the choices you make, and who you are. I love you so much that I want to be honest with you. I want you to read this because I care about what kind of relationship you end up with. I care about how you live your life. I care because I am your friend. I have seen your heart and I don’t want it broken. I want to protect you. I want God to flourish in your life. I want you to be a light shining in the darkness. I want you to know God’s word and what He wants for you. I want to be different, and I want you to come on this journey with me. I want us to grow together, and I want to share what knowledge I gain, even if we are 100 miles apart. I want you to ultimately end up in a Godly relationship that will build you up, not break you down. I want us to beat the statistics. So let’s talk…

Part One:*Looking for a great husband*
(I am summarizing everything from The don't give me any credit)

There are 2 kinds of shopping. There is the kind where you look in your closet and see that your jeans are ripped. You decide you need to go to the mall to get a pair of jeans, just like the ones you ripped. You know exactly what you are looking for. You want those True Religion jeans, size 26 (bc yall are skinny), straight leg, dark washed, with that little tear on the knee. If they don’t have those jeans, then you leave with nothing, because they didn’t have what you needed.
   Then there is the kind of shopping we like to do. You have extra time on your hands, you have a little extra money in the bank, you are kind of bored and decide that the mall would be a good place to find something you didn’t know you needed. (Do you see where I am going?) You are now in the mall, not sure what you are shopping for, but looking for something that’ll satisfy you for that moment. You will most likely find something that will catch your attention and you decide you need it.
   If you are shopping for something(a guy) other than what you absolutely know you need, you are wasting your time and energy. You are setting yourself up for heartbreak. You don’t date just to date. You only date someone who meets your exact qualifications. Meets your list. Otherwise you are settling, and wasting your time.

How do we find the right person?

1 Timothy 4:12- “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you’re young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.”

We are going to break this down into the 5 separate parts:
1.     Speech
2.     Conduct
3.     Love
4.     ,Faith
5.     Purity

We will focus on one each day.

Speech: How does he talk?
   This seems obvious to us until you really focus on what speech entails. We are good girls, we don’t like to date guys who have bad mouths, but does that mean he’s Godly or just a descent guy?
   What comes out of a persons mouth, including our own, is a direct reflection of what’s in their heart. The biggest problem girls have is gossip, but guys can gossip too. Don’t consider dating someone who talks negatively about other people.

“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” Proverbs 20:19

“Don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29

   Make sure the person builds you, and others up. Look for positivity in what he says, look for a humble spirit, someone who is slow to get angry, and someone who doesn’t have a “macho” or self-serving attitude.
   Pay attention to the words that are coming out of their mouth. It is crucial to realize where his heart is. The ability to speak is a gift we should not take for granted. If he is wasting his words on foul language, inappropriate comments, or negativity…stay away. You are looking for someone different.

Coming Soon: Conduct, Love, Faith & Purity...